What makes a great leader? Is it a booming voice? Quick decisions? Command and control?
That was what I used to think. And, when I was promoted to my role as Copy Lead at Refresh Marketing (CSA’s sister company), I wondered if I truly needed to transform my personality to fit into the leadership shoes.
But after six months of leadership coaching with the brilliant Shannyn Merlo (yes, one of our own CSA facilitators), I’ve learned that real leadership sounds very different.
One of my biggest realisations? It’s not about having all the answers, all the time. Or being the loudest in the room. It’s about listening. Adapting. Communicating in a way that lifts others up – not shuts them down.
Here are 5 surprising truths I’m taking with me into the next chapter of my leadership journey.
Lesson 1: You can be nice – and firm
One of the biggest myths about leadership – one that I believed anyway – is that you have to be forceful to be effective. You have to be loud and demanding (hello, Logan Roy). Or ice-cold and intimidating (uh, Miranda Priestly…).
Because if you’re not commanding the room, you’re not in charge… right?
So imagine my relief and joy when I learned the truth: that you can be clear, assertive and decisive without being aggressive or dominant.
Being warm, empathetic and encouraging doesn’t make you a weak leader or a pushover. It makes you human. An approachable one. And when the people you lead feel safe, they’re more likely to engage honestly and grow.
Lesson 2: Clarity is everything
Clarity, clarity, clarity. I scribbled these words in my notes again and again. Underlined, circled, highlighted. Because they kept coming up.
The pace of agency life can make clear communication a challenge.
The good news is, there are lots of communication frameworks out there we can use to guide our conversations.
The ones that resonated most with me? The GROW and FUEL coaching models.
So now, when communicating with my team about tasks or goals, I try to follow these steps – mostly (but not all) from the FUEL model:
- Frame the conversation upfront: We’re going to talk about your role in this project.
- Understand the current situation and challenges: What do you know about the scope and requirements so far?
- Explore expectations and desired outcomes: Success for this project would mean completing it within 2 months with a 55% profit margin – do you think that’s achievable?
- List out the next steps and responsibilities: You need to add the specific tasks to the project on Trello and I’ll assign the right person for the job to it.
This is especially vital when giving feedback or mentoring someone. It prevents confusion, misalignment and those awkward ‘wait, what did you mean?’ or ‘I didn’t know what you wanted’ moments.
After all, we really can’t read each other’s minds. And clarity builds confidence – in both the leader and the team.
Lesson 3: Stay open and curious
As someone who loves to read and write, I’ve always been fascinated by how different people have different perspectives. We all see things and communicate differently.
And part of being a great leader is learning how to tune into that.
Again, there are tools we can use. DISC is a practical behavioural model that really helped me understand the different communication styles and how they show up under stress or work in teams.
In fact, our RM and CSA teams recently did a DISC workshop – completing our individual assessments before coming together to share our results. It was both eye-opening and bonding!
But beyond the frameworks, it’s about being curious. Always asking: Where is this person coming from? or What do they need right now?
This mindset shift reminded me that it’s okay to pause. Rather than jumping ahead to fixing mode, let’s first take the time to understand the current state of play. That usually helps to identify the actual problem too – so we can tackle the roots rather than patch the symptoms.
Lesson 4: Active listening matters more than you think
Active listening. I know, everyone says it. It’s almost a cliche at this point. But honestly, it’s one of those things that deserves repeating, because doing it well is harder than it sounds.
One thing I took away from the coaching program: it’s not enough just to hear someone. They need to feel heard. How? It can be as simple as saying ‘I hear you’ or reflecting back on what they shared with ‘So, what I’m hearing is…’.
Repeating what they’ve told you in your own words shows you’ve been paying attention. Not just on a surface level, but that you really took their thoughts in. And that builds trust.
It also gives people the space and opportunity to clarify their ideas – and sometimes, that’s all they need.
Lesson 5: You don’t have to have all the answers
As a recovering perfectionist eager to prove my leadership prowess, this one was hard. But I’ve learned that great leaders don’t pretend to know everything. And it’s 100% okay to say things like:
- That’s a great question – I don’t know the answer yet.
- Let’s figure it out together.
- What do you think?
After all, leadership isn’t just about conjuring solutions on demand. (We’ve got AI for that, haha…)
It’s about building capability in others. Empowering them to think bigger and try harder, so they can achieve greater success.
And sometimes, giving someone the space to reflect before regrouping later is the best gift you can give your team – and yourself.
My most important lesson of all: Trust your gut
This is a personal one, but it’s been one of the most powerful lessons for me throughout the coaching program and my first steps into leadership.
Confidence in a leadership setting is definitely something I struggle with. In moments of uncertainty, I tend to second-guess myself. I try to find the ‘perfect’ response or solution – then spend the rest of the day wondering if I did or said the right thing.
So the lesson I’m most grateful to walk away with is this:
Trust your gut, because your instincts are often right. And when they’re not? That’s okay too.
Owning a mistake, adjusting course and keeping momentum is far better than freezing up and stalling in indecisiveness.
Plus, we’re all on our own growth journey. We are works-in-progress and there’s always something for us to learn. So trust yourself – and be kind to yourself.
Here’s to leading and communicating better, with more curiosity, courage and heart.
Ready to lead with more confidence and impact? Explore The Voice of Leadership workshop – designed for new leaders who want to bring out the best in their teams.